Title: The Programme
Author: Joules Mer
Author's e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Author's URL: http://jmenterprise.popullus.net
Date: Posted to EntSTSlash February 6, 2005.
Archive: Everyone else ask first.
Fandom: Star Trek Enterprise
Series: Third in the Spam Series
Disclaimer: Enterprise is the property of Paramount. No profit
has been, or will be, made by this story.
"Tight On Space?" Malcolm's hand hovered
over the delete key for a second before opening the message. He couldn't
help himself. It was almost like an addiction. "MagnaCorp has
the solution for you." He smirked at the familiar opening. "Population
increases have made Earth more crowded." A brilliant bit of logic if
he ever saw one. "With all these people Earth has become a downright
unpleasant place to be." Funny. He'd never noticed. "Even
the standard lot size in the US has decreased!" Malcolm remembered
reading about that. Something about having sidewalks that were 3cm
wider to allow wheelchairs or baby carriages to pass each other. "It's
the fourth closest planet to Earth and it's all owned by MagnaCorp.
Alitis Prime is set to become the new planet on the block, with entire cities
pre-manufactured by DuraSteel Construction. Something about a pre-manufactured
city didn't feel very assuring. "From New Pompeii..." Didn't they know
what happened to the old one? "...to New New York, Alitis Prime will be the
place to be." Malcolm called up a star chart and smirked. The
fourth closest planet to Earth appeared to be in a solar system that the
Andorians had been using as a scrap yard for generations. "The cities
of Alitis Prime: less people than in your old neighbourhood, guaranteed."
Malcolm tried to picture what *less* people would look like. It wasn't
pretty. "Reply today to reserve your residence on a new frontier."
Malcolm didn't know where to start. After a few
failed beginnings he flexed his fingers before typing, "Dear MagnaCorp: I
am most interested in your colonization programme."
"What are you doing?"
Malcolm started. He hadn't heard Trip get up.
"Oh. Um, nothing..."
Trip leaned over and tried to get a good view of the screen,
batting Malcolm's hands out of the way when he tried to cover what he had
written. "Colonization programme? Just when were you going to
tell me about this?"
Malcolm blushed when he realized what conclusion Trip
had jumped to. "I wasn't..."
Trip interrupted before he could finish: "What?"
He peered at the screen and said, "You were just going to take off to...
Alitis Prime... and not even tell me?"
Malcolm held up a hand. "No..."
"Then what's this?"
Malcolm surveyed his lover. Trip had his hands on
his hips and his lip was furrowed where he was gnawing on it. "Trip,
it's a joke."
Trip refused to budge. "What's a joke?"
"The reply." He called up a few that he had sent
recently and tilted the screen so Trip could easily read them.
Trip leaned over and as he read his brow furrowed.
Eventually, he straightened up and said, "You reply to spam?" Malcolm
nodded. "That's..." Trip faltered. "Weird."
Malcolm snorted and said, "No more 'weird' than some of
the things you do."
Trip crossed his arms. "I highly doubt that."
Malcolm mimicked Trip's crossed arms and raised an eyebrow
to up the ante. "Do you now? Well what about last week?
With the limes and the curiously shaped..." He trailed off and gestured
Trip looked offended and said, "That wasn't weird."
Malcolm gave his best skeptical look and Trip winked. "It was kinky."
Malcolm tilted his chin up and Trip chuckled. "You liked it, don't
pretend you didn't."
Trip slipped an arm around the back of Malcolm's chair
and twisted so that his breath ruffled the hairs on the back of Malcolm's
neck. "When I came up behind you like this..." He pressed a gentle
kiss to the side of Malcolm's neck.
Malcolm spun in his seat, unwilling to give up the argument.
"Do you seriously think..."
Trip rolled his eyes. "Malcolm."
Malcolm blinked at his lover's exasperated tone.
"Shut up and let me seduce you."
Malcolm froze for a moment before he smirked. "Aye,