Title: Letting Go: The Revenge of the Nerf Bat

Author: Joules Mer

Author's e-mail: joulesmer@shaw.ca

Fandom: Enterprise

Pairing: Tucker/Reed

Rating: PG-13

Category: Slash

Spoilers: Unexpected, First Flight, Shuttlepod One, Minefield

Comments: Fake Part 5 to "Letting Go." My fic "Letting Go" was posted as a WIP. Part way through I got a number of reviews that expressed dislike for Trip's behaviour. It was even suggested that Malcolm should have a go at him with a Nerf bat. That seemed like a fun idea so I posted this as "Part 5." I managed to get quite a few people who took it seriously. Sorry, everyone. I couldn't resist (this is what happens when Dotty and Kyrdwyn review and demand the almighty Nerf bat of Leah, something I recall being menaced with when writing Hard Rain). I don't think this will be included in the final version. This post takes place immediately after Trip's resignation scene.

 Letting Go:  The Revenge of the Nerf Bat

   Malcolm stormed back to his quarters after a brief meeting with the captain.  He couldn't believe what Jon had told him.  His squared shoulders and muttering was drawing odd looks from the crewmen he passed, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.  Finally safe within the sanctuary of his quarters he made a quick decision and strode over to his closet.  He rummaged through the back until he came upon what he was looking for.  It was a remnant of his childhood, long and lean, still slightly padded.  Proudly emblazoned on the side was one word: NERF.  Next stop, sickbay.


    "Jesus Malcolm!  Lay off."  Trip tried to dodge but he feinted the wrong way.  The bat connected with a satisfying thwocking sound.  Trip righted himself and scrambled around sickbay, trying to put something between himself and the enraged armoury officer.
    "Get back here you bloody bastard!"  Malcolm nimbly hopped over a chair in pursuit.  "Don't think you can treat me like that and get away with it!"  He cornered Trip next to the Pyrithian Bat's cage, "You ignored me!" Thwock! "Dropped a bombshell at the dinner table without even talking to me in advance!" Thwap!  'And now you tell the captain, the captain! That you're resigning!" Whap!  Trip had the good grace to look chagrined.

    "Mal, Honey.  C'mon, Baby we can work this out."  The words had anything but a placating effect.
    "Don't you dare "Baby" me you right wanking arsehole."  Whap! Whap! Whap!

    The door to sickbay slid open, "Now, Commander, here's the formula you..."  Phlox stopped dead in his tracks.  Frozen, Trip and Malcolm eyed him, and each other.  Suddenly a wide grin threatened to split his face in two.  "Ah!  this must be your mating ritual! May I watch?"  He whipped out a pad and began to jot down notes, "Is this sadomasochism or dominance and submission?  I've read about both techniques and always hoped for a display.  Would you be able to demonstrate the difference?"  Trip goggled at the doctor.

    "Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!"  Malcolm howled at the ceiling.