Title: Risa Rx
Author: Joules Mer
Author's e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Author's URL: http://jmenterprise.popullus.net
Date: Posted to EntSTSlash February 5, 2005.
Archive: Everyone else ask first.
Fandom: Star Trek Enterprise
Series: First in the Spam Series
Disclaimer: Enterprise is the property of Paramount. No profit
has been, or will be, made by this story.
"Try RisEx Today!" Malcolm rolled his eyes at the
subject line. He almost deleted it, but Trip was late and it wasn't
like he had anything better to do while he waited. He settled back
in the desk chair and began to read: "Dear Reed, Lt. M," Malcolm frowned.
If they were going to use his name they could at least use it in a way that
made sense. "Concerned about your performance?" He snorted.
Not particularly. "Then we have a solution for you!" They all
said that. "RisEx, the secret serum of Risa, is now available.
With RisEx oral tablets an increase of at least 6cm in length and 3 in girth
is normal and should only take 2-3 weeks!" Malcolm's eyes widened.
"As a man whose..." Learn to spell. "...done this I can't emphasize
enough what a difference it made with women. They will go absolutely
wild for your new throbbing pole of man-meat!" It was a good thing he wasn't
drinking anything or he'd have sprayed it on the keyboard. "Reply today
for your first 100 tablets at a reasonable price."
Oh, I'll reply all right. Malcolm bent over the
keyboard and got to work: "Dear sir: Thank you for bringing your fine
product to my attention. While I'm sure the results are just as you
describe and I'm sure it has that effect on women, I am currently in a committed
relationship with my boyfriend. While in this relationship I will be
unable to avail myself of your product. You see, we already have a
bit of trouble getting it to fit as it is, and I'm afraid your secret serum
would only compound the problem. Not to mention the fact that the quartermaster
would doubtlessly have to re-tailor all my uniforms. They're rather
full to capacity already, if you know what I mean. Sincerely, Reed,
The door opened just as he pressed the send button and
Trip stepped into the room. "Hey, Malcolm." Trip dumped a couple
padds on his shelf and wandered over to his lover's side. "Whatcha
Malcolm slid his chair back and smiled up at the other
man, a trace of mirth dancing in his eyes. "Just writing a letter."
He slid his eyes to the door and back. "Are you off duty for a while?"
Trip nodded. "Yeah, until 0900 tomorrow."
"Good." Malcolm slid out of his chair and had the
door locked before Trip realized what he was doing. "Because you won't
be leaving here until then."
Trip's brow furrowed. "But what about dinner?"
Malcolm smirked. "We'll order in."
Finally catching on to the look in Malcolm's eyes, Trip
almost fell over as he tried to kick his boots off and undo his uniform at
the same time.